someone threw a dead crab at me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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