After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
