I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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