Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
