his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
