People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
