do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
