So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
