bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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