please come you make the beer taste better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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