I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
