I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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