there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it glows. i had to have it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
