I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
