you guys were way drunker than both of me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
