Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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