u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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