how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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