Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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