She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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