Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
