I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just want nice things and good sex
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
