I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
either way he was missing a nipple.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
