i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
