I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
