i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
