Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
