I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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