Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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