He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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