nut hugger
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
