I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
