I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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