I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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