hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
