im about as happy as oj after his trial
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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