Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
