oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
