lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
