My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
