u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
