I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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