There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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