Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
