i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
