Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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