I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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