There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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