mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
