You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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