The maid of honor just puked.
She is in my trunk
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
