Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
